Tear

I was not feeling well these few days after i left my university. This is a disaster. I don't know what is happening to me and i hope that i will recover as soon as possible. It maybe because of the air-condition i think. I did not know that my air-condition can do so much damage to me in just a few hours. Or am i still haven't recover mentally and emotionally. Yesterday i looked through the window and i was thinking i don't know what is it now. Forgotten. This cannot go any further. If this go any further, i will die soon. Joking. I am trying to get used to sleeping in my own house. This will get better soon. I am always positive, am i? Today was a bad day. I just keep sneezing and sneezing and sneezing all the way to evening after i took a sleep that i felt better. Thank god i did not bring the sneeze to the other day. Hope tomorrow i will not be sneezing again. It sucks. I have to wear my jacket and i looked good in jacket too. Not bad. No more emotions please. This is digusting and ugly. I don't wanna mix up my life with stupid emotions that bring me down to hell and bring me up again to heaven. It is painful for me and i don't wanna do this again. I just want my normal life back. Go to cousin's house for basketball, jogging around my house and have a nice day everyday. Ya. This is my life. No more any of this. I will embrace myself once and forever as i never felt this before and i guess i learn a lot from this experience and i just wanna keep this as a memory, not present.

Exception

I just need more time. To forget you. Get over with this. This poison is consuming me and i called it love. Well, it's not easy for me though. Listening to love song and remembering you is just pulling me back into the past. I don't wanna do this again. It's sickening. I don't wanna have this feeling again. Knowing that you are in kl and i cannot meet you up as i miss you so much and i knew that you not missing me the way i miss you. Love is tough and it is a deadly poison if you do not handle it with care. It's dangerous and i had been infected with this virus. The missing virus as i named it and i want to get this poison out of me as soon as possible. This is gonna be tough as i keep looking at your profile everyday and checking on you everytime i am on facebook. I have to get you out of my head as i saw hope is leaving one by one as if i am losing one million red blood cells per day and this is killing me. My hands are on my phone 24 hours wanting to message you and i know i must not message you as i know we can advance no more and it is impossible for both of us. The worst thing is that i still have a big problem with my academics and my family as well. I don't wanna put anymore pressure and burden into myself by indulging in love. I need to clear my studies now and i need more than full focus into this matter as this is my top priority now and i am still trying my best to change my attitude. The last few weeks was not my hell and now that i am at home, i will be doing a lot of work for my mum and there will be arguments as usual and i have to get over this too. Am i experiencing depression? I hope not. I got to be positive as this is just the beginning of my twenties and i don;t wanna screw it like a punctured balloon. Got to hold up and pull this through. I just want you to know that i will always have a place to put you in my heart and i don't wanna regret doing this the second time.

Holiday?

Exam just finished. Friends asked me out but i don't feel like going out. Need to reflect what i had done today. Oh god. Forget about it. It's holiday isn't it? Study without sleep and going into the hall taking the exam and after the exam,it is almost 16 hours . I need to hold on till tonight. Need to have a balanced lifestyle back. No more late night sleep. It's killing me. My eyes look like some panda eyes and i feel so tired. And my face. Destroyed despite the fact that i slept late for so many days. This is going from bad to worst. I need to go back and have treatment as soon as possible. This is not good at all. It sucks. I was shocked about my face although i know that i am not very handsome but this is gone far worst then i thought. Going out for dinner soon and i need to bath now. Continue later when i come back . Damn .

The LOAD.

OMG. Tomorrow i have another paper to go. Don't really feel like studying though. Slept 2 hours just now. Gonna start studying now after updating this blog. After this, i maybe more busy as the last 2 subjects are the subjects i plan to kill for long. No sleep and study all day is tired and i think that MCD is quite a good place study although there maybe people around and thee internet interfering. I studied well there though and i took some time to rest myself. Surf the internet for few minutes. Listen to House of MiXX. When i got back here, i don't have the feeling to study. Why? Is there something here disturbing the calmness of my soul? I don't know. I have been seeing the dawn for almost 2 weeks and this is not good. Everybody was sleeping when i was studying and everybody is studying when i was studying too. That 's a double and i don't care cause i know i can endure all this tiredness and past through this thing is a short while as i have to start to think about holiday and i thought maybe i can end this once and for all. I still have new semester coming soon though and i will not give up at this place this time this second. I don't wanna fail again and again. The feeling of not getting good results is like you are the lowest class in this so-called hierarchical university? I don't know and i don't care. I just wanna get myself out of here as fast as possible as i don't wanna face the book anymore. This is exhausting and tiring. Yet i know that this is not a problem for me and i just need to try harder. Six more days to go and i am a temporary free man. I want my life back and i want my friends back. Friends back in the past who i have lost contact with. This is so shit man. I almost lost all my KL friends and i knew that when i go back to KL, i will do not much of a thing at home except online, games and tvs. Nothing more than a kampung boy can do. I wanna change that. Being stuck at home during that period of time is suffering and i hope that i will make this holiday the beneficial one and i do not regret it again. But now, back to the books. Alright then, time is calling me.

Why neVER?

Why NeVER? I also don't know. Don't ask me. You are the one with the answer and yet i don't understand you. Maybe i was fooling with love too much that the angel of love gave me an arrow in the heart and my heart was not able to sustain the pain and cracks. Just a crack. Nothing more. The crack stopped right there and i am going make sure that this heart passes through the final cautiously with anymore pressure from the angel of love. I was too foolish to mess with love. I was immature. I needed a lesson and the angel gave me one and the only one that woke me up from my sweet sweet dream. I woke up wondering what had happened after all i had done without rational thinking. This is a huge mistake. I knew it from the start and i did not expect it to end this badly. It was not that bad though as my friends are there and i understand that it was my fault to be too reckless in doing all this. I realized my mistakes. Angel of love,give me no more lesson like this and i promise to be more serious in love and no more playful act. Now having final exam and i am still thinking about this. Better throw it off my mind for a while. Maybe this will change me in the future? Who knows. It's 5.01am now and i am still sitting here, eyes half-closed and sleepy. I need a sleep. Nite.

HUh?

Huh? That's what i get when i did something reckless on that day. It was the worse day ever. Tears feel like coming out of my eyes. My heart sank. There is nothing i can do about it. What you expect from doing these silly thing. Oh my God. Can't believe that i did it. LOL. It's the past. Still, i envy my friends who has settled down and i am happy for them. For me, guess the time is not here yet. Got to wait longer and no more doind those silly things. It was ... i don't know,i did not even think about the consequences at that time. I was stupid,playful and childish. It was not the best move and i would say that it is the worst thing i ever did as i never try doing it before this that my friend encourage to so i am still here writing stories for you.
It is 9.36 am now. My finals starts tomorrow. Wish me luck. Although the emotions are all stuck in my head, i tried my best getting them out and make them vanish. Played NFS just now and did not manage to overcome one of the stages. I think i tried it for more than 50 times. Almost 2 hours playing the same game on the same route. Dota? Nah. Finals. Got to study . Alone Mayb? Nope. My friends are all sleeping like pigs right now. The wind blows over my skin and i can feel the exhaustion beneath my body. It is going to be a hectic week that i am going to face my final test and hope that i can pull my pointer up a bit. Better than nothing. OMG. My back hurts and i think i am having inflammation in my stomach. The feeling is terrible but nothing is more terrible than what i experienced yesterday. Almost gone to a fight but sleep intercepted so i will just wait. No more explanation is needed and i will not further elaborate on what had happened yesterday. It is going to be a miracle if it did not happen this way.
No big deal. It is just all about feelings. Expression of feelings. Oh god.I am having stomach pain again. Did not know what is wrong with it and hope that i will get over this soon.
I feel so tired right now. I am going to sleep in a minute as someone is sleeping on my bad now. I am so sick of bitches and i hope that i will not come across another kind of same incident again. SLeep is calling me,got to go. Will update soon after my finals .

Dull

Life has been very dull for me these few days. Next week i have two tests waiting to kill me. DAMN. Studying now but studying alone is very boring and i get sleepy all the time. Food? Had enough though but now eating big apple donuts and i am really getting some weight here. Imagine you are alone in your room reading the lecture slides,listening to music and eating donuts. It totally sucks. Guess what? My mates are having at Ipoh now. They are hitting the club tonight and i am in my room studying. OMG. Fine. Still my life is dull and i do not deny that and i hope my life would be more fun. If my leg is healed by now, i would go play basketball or jogging or even cycling as i need to release my stress from my whole body. So what am i gonna do now? Study? LOL? I don't have much choice, do i? I wanna go back KL !!! Wallet is almost dry too due to excessive spending on food. I have been going mamak alot these two weeks and sleeping late too. No good. Better stop now and go back to my study before i fall asleep again.