I hope

I hope. I hope i was not that dumb in doing this. Easy said than done. I admit that i'm good in talking and not quite ok in getting it done. Giving out too much pain and disappointment s just making me a bit useful than cloth . Even the cloth makes people feel better after getting itself dirty . Maybe i had adopted attitude of take it for granted. I do feel bad sometimes and thinking some way yet it came back to the beginning of the problem. I knew i disappointed her too many times that i can be forgiven. The pain. The tears. Disappointment. Promises. Saying the same thing again and again. It's just repetitive and this may just make things worse. Everytime this happens, me as always, stunned and acted like a standing wood and just as still as the sea. Yes, i do feel useless at times for not able to figure out the solutions and ways to tackle or overcome the awkwardness. The silence filling all the room for conversation and it stayed there for as long as possible until i can say something out from my mouth. I do enjoy all the happy moments and i do not one time regret what i've done with her. But when it comes to this, i can say that i'm just like a person that can't talk at that moment. Where's the time when i can talk just anything? Where i can make her smile again and again? I wish i can bring less pain and disappointment and give out more happiness and love. I knew this is not the end. This is just the beginning. I know i can fix it. Matter is how?